Avatar Social Network | Community and Credits!


Okay, so, just to get it out in the first paragraph–that’s an ATM, and that sign in the background does say “MAKE MONEY!”

However, it also says “Avatar Social Network,” which is the name of one of the best virtual-world and sl focused social websites I’ve ever seen. A lot of the websites I’ve seen advertised as virtual world or SL equivalents to facebook have been exact clones of facebook, but with poor coding, or disappeared or went dead silent after a few months of action. ASN is small, but the community talks to one another and shares a lot of their virtual lives. People from IMVU and various MMOs are also on ASN, but most of the community feed looks like SL and various opensim/privately managed grids.

I’ve been on ASN for… goodness I don’t even remember. I went inactive for a while with a short SL hiatus, and came back on my birthday this year! There’s a lot to see and learn, like people advertising their clubs and photography, and groups that get together to do flash mobs!

One of my favorite things to do is go through the main feed and welcome new users to the website… So do me a solid, and go sign up so I can welcome you!


That right there is my personal sign up link, but if you want to see some of the cool stuff already going on on ASN… here’s a few links!

And… as I’m sure it’s piqued interest… Doing absolutely anything and everything on the website will net you ‘credits.’ Credits can be exchanged for currency in some virtual worlds, like SL! For SL, the transfer is at a rate of 100 Credits per 1 Linden dollar.

You can earn credits for logging in, posting statuses, blogs, and forum posts, and interacting with posts other people make!  (As if you NEEDED the extra encouragement to share all the cool stuff you get up to!)

Avatar Social Network is a pretty refreshing social website for virtual worlds. Sign up here!


Elasticity is a Hard Form to Find | Bounding into Any Direction


I think it’s funny how often I think of a challenge as being ‘new’. Somehow, every disaster is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me. I took these pictures some time ago, during one of my many crises, and failed to edit or do anything with them until now.

I’m not in the clear, but it’s a lot easier to breathe now that I’m focusing on other things–like fun and finally filing my fafsa a month and a half late.

Which, by the way, if you will be a student in the United States of America between july this year and june next year, PLEASE click this link to OFFICIALLY file your FAFSA FOR FREE via the official government site. DO NOT EVER pay anybody to file your fafsa for you! It’s FREE! fafsa.ed.gov!!!


Anyway… Somehow, I’m still going. This time four years ago, I thought I wouldn’t be. This time a month ago, I thought I was reaching my end. In fact, this time yesterday evening, I could feel death drawing closer to me. It’s absolutely amazing how much you can reach, stretch, grow, and achieve when you feel like you really aren’t doing all that much.

Even if you don’t think you are growing, you are. Even if you think you have stagnated, you have not. Every breath and every moment you live, even the parts that are agony, are building you up further and further.

Please don’t give up. Even if bending, stretching, growing is the most taxing and tiring thing in the world, I know you can do it! You can tell all your family and friends that a God believes in you, lol.


I found that going ‘back’ to struggles I’ve had before really put this month and the start of 2016 in perspective for me. I’m learning a lot about myself, even if I don’t feel too smart about it, and it comes through mistakes and confusion.

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Keep stretching! You are what will get you through all of your struggles!

Here’s a song for us! It’s one of my many power songs!



Dress: SPIRIT – Liko dress in pink

Jacket: SPIRIT – Liko jacket in holographic

When You Sing | Healing


//Couldn’t say what i wanted to say

But now I’m changed and i feel so strange

//Come alive when you say all those things to me\

\Please go all the way – it feels so right – being with you here//

||Lost in a maze of a thousand rainy days of a thousand rainy days||

But when I heard your voice – it led me to the end

//You are my center when i spin away

\Out of control

On videotape on videotape on videotape on videotape on videotape

||Cause when you sing I hear a symphony

Swallowed in sound as it echoes through me

||I’m renewed, oh how i feel alive

//\ No matter what happens now – you shouldn’t be afraid

\// Today has been the most perfect day i’ve ever seen

I’ve no idea what I am talking about

I’m trapped in this body and I can’t get out

Have the lights gone out for you?

Because the lights gone out for me?



in other news things are stressful again. It would be far worse if they weren’t.

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Bracelets: Mad Echo – Princess Bracelet

.random.Matter. – Norbu Wrist Cuff – Black

scarf: *League* Ananda Scarf – Heather

skirt: Foxes – Tarot – Skirt – Small – Sky

shirt: Foxes – Tarot – Top – Med – Blue


I made Ekvardun’s current avi in five days with a Slink mesh body, a KZK gryphon, and a lot of chocolate.


He started out like this, with the chocolate texture set, which I tweaked and dressed a little by changing the head and chest fluffs and shape.


Even though it was pretty, it still wasn’t right. About a week ago, I was actually present with Ek sharing screens and dinner. We had some fun, listened to music, and bonded over having just cleaned her computer of malware after three years of absolutely no protection.

And somehow, this happened.


In the thirty minutes we sat together and talked about changes, we figured out we could change just the inside face of the wing feathers, just the skin/feathers on the head, and that the newly updated Slink bodies come with an RGB tinting hud. Now there’s a homemade Turkey Vulture mod with absolutely no texture editing or extra parts whatsoever!


A Vulture By Any Other Name…


That red-faced sweetie is one of my mates, Ekvardun. Ek only recently came to be part of House Aki, as we met in July 2015 when I came to work at the same forest. I helped out in her garden, and we talked and grew close.


We bonded over spirituality and confusion about Earth-Plane and how things were, here. He was sweet and attentive, and always thoughtful. I would come to work most days and find food offerings on my desk, and went to yoga and meditation with Ek weekly for a few months.

Somewhere in there, Ek became a completely different person. I’ve written about how I unintentionally blew through her life and flipped everything around, before, but I didn’t really realize how much my presence had changed things until recently. In November they were dedicated to me in ceremony, and in January their devotion holds true. In the days between, I, too changed.

I laugh out of caring and happiness when Ek tearily tells me what it looked like through their eyes. He distinctly remembers meeting me and how I scoffed at the concept of healing, and how only three months later I sat by the fire he tended for me and admitted that healing was something on its way–not quite here yet, but coming in the future.


The vulture’s family is Cathartes, from Catharsis. Vultures are the healers of the world, tearing apart rot so that it may be reintegrated into the cycle of growth. Although I may have eventually come to healing without her help, her kindness, patience, and compassion have made this growth come more quickly and remain strong through hard patches.


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Words About Something | Progressively Less Lost

Although I am wearing that lovely Time Keeper dress by Zenith again, this is not really a fashion post. It’s an update or state of the union or what have you.


I think I’m coming into a period of healing. It isn’t without its bumps and pitfalls and setbacks, but things seem possible from my perspective that were impassable mere weeks ago. A few months ago, I laughed at the mere prospect of becoming functional. I took several showers this week and have actually eaten regularly. I contacted my next job prospect and am taking her slow reply much more smoothly than even I imagined I would.

Now if only I could get a handle on mood swings and executive functioning… And write one hell of a book!


Recently, loved ones have been encouraging me to use my creativity and writing skills to make the sort of fictions I wanted to see and read when I was younger. Seeing people like me in places of power and strength in fiction, instead of as the villain or fridged plot point, would be absolutely incredible… and I can be the means to get us there.


At the moment I have both an original fantasy setting forming in my head, and I’ve also fallen in love again with 3.5edition Forgotten Realms settings from Dungeons and Dragons. If R.A. Salvatore could write entire books about Drizzt Do’Urden and survive, what could possibly keep me from sharing my Forgotten Realms setting fiction with the world?


Death Upon the Vine


How could something so fair be so cruel? \

But if you’ll be my skyline,

then I will be the wave

that reduces you to rubble

and looked safe from so far away. //

And all our debris flow to the ocean

to meet again, i hope it will. \

There is an answer in a question,

and there is hope within despair,

and there is beauty in a failure,

and there are depths beyond compare //

“Darling don’t you understand,

that there are no winners? \

My love, why do you run?

For my hands hold no guns.”//

And there is grace within forgiveness

but it’s so hard for me to find. //\

And I tried to be kind for you  \//


Today is not a very good one. I’m struggling, and instead of doing the things I’m supposed to do (Thanks, Dialectical Behavior Therapy!) I did this and cried a lot. The ‘poem’ above is some lyrics tortured from the songs on Death Cab for Cutie’s new Kintsugi album.

Constrais-Obligais doesn’t get credits post because she doesn’t do clothes ever.


We’re Not Done | Let This Be Memory


There are very few things certain on Earth-Plane. There are even fewer things that you can be certain of about another person. There are things about oneself that aren’t certain, are yet uncovered, and may never be completely discovered.


Even though being together, learning alongside and entwined with others, is such a gamble–we have ourselves and our trust and health to lose– I feel that not being alone is one of the most beautiful facets of living on Earth.

There are billions of people, and trillions and googols of other life forms sharing the crust, the skies, and the waters. There is something to learn in every strand of carbons, and in every transmission of neurochemical arrangements. These are comforting gambles–you will come away different than you were before, without ‘better’ or ‘worse’ judgements applied.


Even though the surface is too deep to bust through in a few goes, reach out to the others that live here. Everyone deserves the chance to grow and learn, to discover their own depths and secrets. It’s easier done together.


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Caverna ObscuraShahrazad in Pearl



You are enough. This isn’t to say that you are perfect, stagnant and doomed to be ever still, ungrowing, and silent. You are enough, your growth and organic and inorganic changing are perfection. Where you are going, moment by moment and breath by breath, is enough.


Life on this planet isn’t a race–your individual life, especially. It is enough to be better than you were last year, last month, last week, or yesterday morning. It is enough to feel, even most of the time, that you are not or never will be better.


Please, next time your head is bowed so low you taste dirt, next time your feet drag so heavily you take mountains with your slow steps, please remember that this is ‘enough.’ You are not lacking, substandard, or failing. Take your time, and simply be.

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=Zenith= – Time Traveler in Milk @ We <3 RP December 2015

Darkshines | Consumption

red siren

Recently I’ve been working with a newly-joined Mate on power exchange. Like a whirlwind, I blew into his life, mixed it up, and now have him wing-deep in an entirely new phase of identity. I can’t blame him for having fun, for wanting more and craving that closeness in losing himself to Divine Will.

red siren1

Recently, while at work with him, I had a song stuck in my head. There’s a specific Muse album and specific songs on that album that mean a lot to me–that soothe me when I’m pretty close to bursting and leaving a swath of destruction in my wake. He’s pretty similar. He stays present and awake when I’m charging off into some emotional extreme or another, he holds me and sings when it’s simply unbearable to exist in my own body. He is a soft, soothing presence, and so is that song.

red siren3

Passing by, he lights up my darkest skies. He takes only seconds to draw me in.

Here’s to hoping that this new venture goes well–that keeping our joint health in mind will serve us in the long run just as well as he serves me!

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So be mine, and your innocence I will consume.



Dress: .Arcadia. Leannan Siren

Bracers: .random.Matter. Norbu wrist cuffs black


:[P]:– Raven Collar Rose

Zyn ~ Wishbone Necklace – Ruby

Head flowers: Boudoir – Miss Havisham wedding wreath