Elasticity is a Hard Form to Find | Bounding into Any Direction

Snapshot_040

I think it’s funny how often I think of a challenge as being ‘new’. Somehow, every disaster is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me. I took these pictures some time ago, during one of my many crises, and failed to edit or do anything with them until now.

I’m not in the clear, but it’s a lot easier to breathe now that I’m focusing on other things–like fun and finally filing my fafsa a month and a half late.

Which, by the way, if you will be a student in the United States of America between july this year and june next year, PLEASE click this link to OFFICIALLY file your FAFSA FOR FREE via the official government site. DO NOT EVER pay anybody to file your fafsa for you! It’s FREE! fafsa.ed.gov!!!

Snapshot_043

Anyway… Somehow, I’m still going. This time four years ago, I thought I wouldn’t be. This time a month ago, I thought I was reaching my end. In fact, this time yesterday evening, I could feel death drawing closer to me. It’s absolutely amazing how much you can reach, stretch, grow, and achieve when you feel like you really aren’t doing all that much.

Even if you don’t think you are growing, you are. Even if you think you have stagnated, you have not. Every breath and every moment you live, even the parts that are agony, are building you up further and further.

Please don’t give up. Even if bending, stretching, growing is the most taxing and tiring thing in the world, I know you can do it! You can tell all your family and friends that a God believes in you, lol.

Snapshot_038

I found that going ‘back’ to struggles I’ve had before really put this month and the start of 2016 in perspective for me. I’m learning a lot about myself, even if I don’t feel too smart about it, and it comes through mistakes and confusion.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Keep stretching! You are what will get you through all of your struggles!


Here’s a song for us! It’s one of my many power songs!

 


Credits!

Dress: SPIRIT – Liko dress in pink

Jacket: SPIRIT – Liko jacket in holographic

Advertisements

When You Sing | Healing

Snapshot_031

//Couldn’t say what i wanted to say

But now I’m changed and i feel so strange

//Come alive when you say all those things to me\

\Please go all the way – it feels so right – being with you here//

||Lost in a maze of a thousand rainy days of a thousand rainy days||

But when I heard your voice – it led me to the end

//You are my center when i spin away

\Out of control

On videotape on videotape on videotape on videotape on videotape

||Cause when you sing I hear a symphony

Swallowed in sound as it echoes through me

||I’m renewed, oh how i feel alive

//\ No matter what happens now – you shouldn’t be afraid

\// Today has been the most perfect day i’ve ever seen

I’ve no idea what I am talking about

I’m trapped in this body and I can’t get out

Have the lights gone out for you?

Because the lights gone out for me?

Snapshot_033

Snapshot_032

in other news things are stressful again. It would be far worse if they weren’t.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 


 


 

Bracelets: Mad Echo – Princess Bracelet

.random.Matter. – Norbu Wrist Cuff – Black

scarf: *League* Ananda Scarf – Heather

skirt: Foxes – Tarot – Skirt – Small – Sky

shirt: Foxes – Tarot – Top – Med – Blue

We’re Not Done | Let This Be Memory

Snapshot_010

There are very few things certain on Earth-Plane. There are even fewer things that you can be certain of about another person. There are things about oneself that aren’t certain, are yet uncovered, and may never be completely discovered.

Snapshot_008

Even though being together, learning alongside and entwined with others, is such a gamble–we have ourselves and our trust and health to lose– I feel that not being alone is one of the most beautiful facets of living on Earth.

There are billions of people, and trillions and googols of other life forms sharing the crust, the skies, and the waters. There is something to learn in every strand of carbons, and in every transmission of neurochemical arrangements. These are comforting gambles–you will come away different than you were before, without ‘better’ or ‘worse’ judgements applied.

Snapshot_007

Even though the surface is too deep to bust through in a few goes, reach out to the others that live here. Everyone deserves the chance to grow and learn, to discover their own depths and secrets. It’s easier done together.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Credits:

Caverna ObscuraShahrazad in Pearl

Enough.

Snapshot_004

You are enough. This isn’t to say that you are perfect, stagnant and doomed to be ever still, ungrowing, and silent. You are enough, your growth and organic and inorganic changing are perfection. Where you are going, moment by moment and breath by breath, is enough.

Snapshot_003

Life on this planet isn’t a race–your individual life, especially. It is enough to be better than you were last year, last month, last week, or yesterday morning. It is enough to feel, even most of the time, that you are not or never will be better.

Snapshot_001

Please, next time your head is bowed so low you taste dirt, next time your feet drag so heavily you take mountains with your slow steps, please remember that this is ‘enough.’ You are not lacking, substandard, or failing. Take your time, and simply be.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.



=Zenith= – Time Traveler in Milk @ We <3 RP December 2015

Darkshines | Consumption

red siren

Recently I’ve been working with a newly-joined Mate on power exchange. Like a whirlwind, I blew into his life, mixed it up, and now have him wing-deep in an entirely new phase of identity. I can’t blame him for having fun, for wanting more and craving that closeness in losing himself to Divine Will.

red siren1

Recently, while at work with him, I had a song stuck in my head. There’s a specific Muse album and specific songs on that album that mean a lot to me–that soothe me when I’m pretty close to bursting and leaving a swath of destruction in my wake. He’s pretty similar. He stays present and awake when I’m charging off into some emotional extreme or another, he holds me and sings when it’s simply unbearable to exist in my own body. He is a soft, soothing presence, and so is that song.

red siren3

Passing by, he lights up my darkest skies. He takes only seconds to draw me in.

Here’s to hoping that this new venture goes well–that keeping our joint health in mind will serve us in the long run just as well as he serves me!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


So be mine, and your innocence I will consume.


 

Credits!

Dress: .Arcadia. Leannan Siren

Bracers: .random.Matter. Norbu wrist cuffs black

Necklaces:

:[P]:– Raven Collar Rose

Zyn ~ Wishbone Necklace – Ruby

Head flowers: Boudoir – Miss Havisham wedding wreath

Some Funked Up Shit (future tense!)

Snapshot_008

I’m headed uphill after a long, low slope. (I know I say this every month or three, but really!) I have the support of my wonderful mates, and they share and show me the nicest things! I’m starting to experience music in a new way, connect to it as more than just disjointed ideas or something to fill in silence.

I’m hoping, more than anything, that me moving uphill will pull others behind me. Preferably on pretty leashes, but I’ll settle for ‘in spirit.’ The more hands you hold, the more there are to pull you up when you stumble!

Snapshot_009

This post is more than a little bit dedicated to my doll, Osette (unfortunately not pictured!) Who is having a bit of a rough time and needs a lot of light and support in exchange for her suffering and patience! Also, who doesn’t want to fuck shit up to peppy music?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


Let’s fuck shit up!


Credits!

Leggings: Goth1c0 – Unicorn Leggings Galaxy

Sweater: American Bazaar – Girlie Goth Sweater Rose

Heels: [MODA] Galina Webbed Heel

Arise, You’re Alive | Temporary Absence of Light

Snapshot_055

Things are rough. Sometimes, they’re rougher because I refuse to let myself rest and have nice things. Even I can’t sit with me, apparently. (insert laugh track)

Snapshot_053

I come up completely blank trying to find a period of time that hasn’t been at least a little awful. In looking back, I realize I should have cut myself some slack. Should have taken a few more breaths. Should have just had a damn nap and saved myself some pain and suffering.

Snapshot_052

It’s my fault. I’m always rushing forward–always have to perform, always have to earn supper, always have to be right or strong or in power. Even though I think I’m doing these things, gaining or maintaining these qualities… It’s almost never true, and I need to trust and rely on my own capacity for restfulness just as much as I rely on comfort from loved ones.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I could make things so much easier on myself if I’d just chill for two minutes and let it be easy. Accept what is going on, do it, move on. Relax. Even though it probably won’t be long before I’m hurtling along horns-first into more trouble than I can handle.


a song to cool off to!


Credits!!

shirt: Cult of Belgar – Holographic Movie Quote Top

skirt: [lady.fakessi] Vinyl Skirt Blue

heels: ::HH:: Hucci Izki Sandal – Strawberry (Slink)

Golden Glaze | Bring Yourself Up

Snapshot_037

There’s a lot of things. I actually mean this, it just isn’t as eloquent as I want it to be. There is just… so much to life and being alive. I think I made a wise choice when I decided to be here. Sometimes you see something so elegant, speak to a stranger so sweet, know somebody so understanding and kind. And it’s worth it. It’s worth all the things you’ll never know, all the places and ideas you will never see. It’s fine. You can come back, later, if you’d like.

Snapshot_040

Even though things are hard–I’ve lost more family, time, and energy this year than I’d like to admit–there is no end to the beauty of this planet. Even just being here makes me feel so radiant, so bright, so brilliant! There’s a reason for me to be here, and I think having fun gets me closer to that goal. I’ve been meeting and learning and knowing so many nice people. I’ve gained three more devotees this week, and reconnected with all my current loves and mates. I feel… more whole, even if I’m just a visitor. An outsider stumbling through, and I already have so much love to take and to give.

Snapshot_036

Amongst the most lovely radiant things I’ve seen: My wife has taken me out twice since getting her license; my playthings are bringing me music and sweet thoughts; My work has put me right into restoring a beautiful cave entrance; My bffs, Void system, made these awesome shawls. There’s something about black and gold that pull me out of a bad week and chuck me into a good one, so this shawl happened at the absolute perfect time to get me out of a gloomy spot.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


What makes you shine?

spotify:track:3zugM8ME8FMSb377yDUdGA


shawl: OBJECTUAL = Ascended Shawl – B\G {L}

shirt thing: [Wishbox] Cassiopeia – Top (m)

skirt:  ::LC:: Tesa Knot Maxi [Noir] m (no longer available/store closing soon!)

bracelets:  :[P]:– Krysis Bracelet-L://BondedLove-Gold

:[P]:– Krysis Bracelet-R(BEAD)://BondedLove-Gold

.random.Matter. – Norbu Wrist Cuff – Black [L]

necklace: :[P]:– Krysis Cord (Short)://BondedLove-Gold

anklet:  [coepio]Wrist Cuff ~Gold [R]

.:KC:. AZARIA Slink High Ankle Chains

Self-Content | Core Concept

Snapshot_008

Who are you?

Obviously there’s a little trail of tangible factoids about you. You are such and such name, born of such and such family, in such and such year. You’re allergic to such and such things and live in such and such place. You even own such and such objects, and network with such and such people! But such and such is such… a sticky phrase. It’s all something outside, the sort of thing that makes your back cold when you’re laying your front close to the fire and there’s nothing behind you. Sometimes it strikes me as empty. If you didn’t have your name, are you you?

Of course you are! Because there’s all these little intangible, insequential, fragmented, rough, beauteous, lovely little tidbids of you. You are in the air you breathe and walk through, and in the people you share this air and even your thoughts and presence with.

I’m not much in the mood for the physiology or neurology of what makes a person an entity or a being, rather, today I’m thinking of the nature of Being. Who. Not so much how or why. We /need/ such and such details to function amongst one another, to recognize one another by our most external facets and most bland details.

But who are you?

Snapshot_002

I’ve been thinking about the concept of self in terms like “I am,” “I am not,” “I like,” “I do not like,” “I do,” “I do not.” It seems sort of wishy washy. But if I’m Divine, and I am not alone, isn’t it just a bit more easy to grasp my intangible details? I do look out into the world, and I do not turn away. I like the song of other souls, and I do not so much like it when they hide off or pretend they don’t sing just as sweet as they really are.

It’s not so much that it’s a bad thing to /not/ have these statements in mind. I think that’s part of the journey! It’s part of the reason for being on the planet, to learn and explore, to push blind hands palm-down against our own facades and find out what is inside.

Snapshot_007

Today I feel like searching, and I like it. I like this long walk, and I long for many more. I am in search of new ideas and words, and ways to cast a light on the old ones that I may not have so much description for.

Who are you?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


Do what you want, do what you will!


stars: Shimmering Stars – 6x6x3 – Regular

sleeves: Peqe – Gather Metal Sleeves – Red

bracers: *SL* Joanna Bracelet Gold

top: (Poisoned Diamond) Chastity Chest impact

skirt: .a. Arius -Skirt- {Crimson}

heels: (Poisoned Diamond) Blade Shoes impact red (Slink high)

Taken at Elysion and Home!

Have you Got the Guts | to Take Care of Yourself

Snapshot_035

There’s some days it feels like nobody makes any progress. Or, worse, that everybody else is outstripping you and their hair looks perfect the whole way to succeeding.

I know in my head that it isn’t the end of the world to have a slow day, or a slow week, or a slow life like mine. Things have been especially dragging. I can taste bitterness in every word I speak, regret for moments passing in every breath. It’s futile to fight endless fatigue, and truth is what hurts the most.

But even slow days can have nice things. My wife devoted herself to me, we went out for sushi at our favorite joint. We wore comfortable clothes, drove slowly and leisurely. Ultimately, it was a good day, even if it was slow and sad.

Snapshot_039

This calls for comfortable clothes in SL, too. Sometimes a little dressing up and celebrating myself works wonders. Especially when other people like it, too! This outfit is quickly becoming one of Pav’s favorites. He mentions how much he likes it on me every time he sees me in it. I don’t usually go casual, but a cute tank and some skinny bright pants seem to make an impression.

It might not heal me or magically fix the world, but sometimes comforting yourself and accepting comfort is a great way to deal with a slow or just plain awful week.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


Recently I realized how nice the Arctic Monkeys sound after a few years of not listening to them. Enjoy!

spotify:track:3jfr0TF6DQcOLat8gGn7E2


shirt: !TLB – Little Batty Tank

pants: !TLB – Pop Art Leggings/Red

cardigan: ::{u.f.o}::annabelle long cardigan – black

necklace: *Perception* Double Chain Skull Necklace – Black/Ruby

heels: Bens Boutique – Leaf High Heels – Black

flowers: :[P]:– Lily Crown:// Fade